A tale of uncomfortability
How often do you take significant risks that make you uncomfortable and question your sanity?
How often do you do things that don’t make sense to you or even to other people?
I’m not talking about risks like jumping out of airplanes or going on crazy roller coasters. I’m talking about risks like finally scheduling the therapy session you know you need, asking your boss for an extra needed day off, volunteering your time to a cause that you believe in without worrying about how serving them will benefit you.
I’m talking about the risks like saying yes to that first date of that guy/girl you like (or, in my case, telling them you like them lol), applying for that next degree that has nothing to do with what your undergrad major was, OR, dropping out of that master’s program you know you had no time or business for in the first place.
How often are you uncomfortable?
These days I feel like I am coming out of a LONG season of being uncomfortable, of questioning why I was doing certain things or making certain choices or having others question those same things.
Deciding you want to go to invest in grad school full time and quit your job to be a freelancer - not comfortable
Being a TA for a large class where the other two TA’s were brilliant and Ph.D. students and you’re a lowly masters student - not comfortable
Declining two job offers in the same summer because they were not what you were looking for at the time - not comfortable
Planning a large conference with so many juggling parts in four months - not comfortable
Tapping into your measly savings account and filing for unemployment because a pandemic hit, and you just graduated with an expensive ass degree and live on your own, and no one is hiring - not comfortable
Realizing that said pandemic is making you crazy, and you need to process your thoughts and need a therapist - not comfortable
Learning that the way your body works, if you don’t take breaks, it will literally stop working and force you to - not comfortable
Getting hired at your dream job and starting work in a pandemic - not comfortable
Watching the movie The Book Club and realizing that if you don’t start dating soon, you’ll end up alone forever with 5 million cats, so you join every dating site ever created, and your opening line is “well, hello there” - not comfortable
Creating a new website that encompasses your years of work experience and expertise - not comfortable
Realizing through various life experiences that your greatest strength (your logic and ability to reason the mess out of any situation) may also be your greatest weakness and may or may not tend to make you emotionally stunted at the worst possible moments. - not comfortable
I’d be lying if I said at this point I wasn’t craving a little comfortability, you know, a nice little break. But, I also realize the danger for me in comfortability. If I’m not uncomfortable, I’m not learning.
Now, this may not be the same for you. But for me, allowing myself to be uncomfortable means I am allowing myself to grow. It means I am allowing the natural and needed stretching to take place to help shape me into the person I am meant to be. I’m turning 30 in the next few days, and I’ve had to caution myself about my desire to sit in comfortability, specifically in the area of my achievements. I am my most comfortable self when I achieve things, cross things off my checklist, and look to what’s next.
Someone asked me the other day, “Randa, what would happen if you stopped looking for what’s next and lived in the present?” and at that moment, I didn’t have the answer, but now I do.
If I lived in the present, I would get uncomfortable with my constant need to achieve and look for something new. I’ve got a conquering spirit in me.
Seriously ya’ll, it’s bad, like I often can’t celebrate the good in front of me because I am looking for next best thing to achieve.
Something amazing happened this weekend, something I had on my list of things I would love to accomplish before turning 30, and I said out loud to myself, “That’s so cool. I still didn’t make Forbes 30 Under 30 List, but I have ten years to make the 40 Under 40 List”.
Ya’ll my tale that scares me, makes me feel uncertain, and makes me most uncomfortable is living in the present and not achieving anything. It’s living and enjoying where I am at.
What’s yours?
Randa M. Hinton